11 Signs that Indicate Lack of Self Love
Aug 06, 2024
We often say we love ourselves, but our choices can tell a different story. Many of my clients and students cite their 'self-care' routines—manicures, social outings, hikes, and massages as signs of self love.
But my dears, self-care does not necessarily equate to self-love.
Self-love is found in the quiet, often overlooked moments. It's about valuing our intuition, honoring our body's need for rest, offering ourselves comfort and encouragement. Self love means letting go of tendencies based in perfection, over giving and self sabotage.
Self-love is a learned behavior, and unfortunately, so is the lack of it.
If your childhood was marked by unpredictability, chaos, criticism, or abuse, you might have learned to hide your true self. You may have absorbed the belief that your needs, interests, and goals are unimportant, and that you are unworthy of love and appreciation.
If you grew up witnessing adults who lacked self love themselves and expressed their frustrations through a variety of coping mechanisms, hyper activity, lack of patience, stillness and presence, you might have unknowingly adopted similar patterns.
As adults, we often repeat these familiar behaviors, choosing partners and friends who mistreat, take advantage of, or fail to support us. Since we struggle to be there for ourselves, we tend to oscillate between over giving, hiding and resentment for not being seen and loved.
Here are 11 symptoms that indicate a lack of Self Love. Notice if any of them resonate with you:
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Not trusting your instincts: second-guessing, overthinking, letting others make decisions, and assuming others know best.
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People-pleasing: seeking validation, suppressing your genuine opinions, beliefs and needs to please others.
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Hiding parts of yourself: abandoning interests and goals, not sharing feelings.
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Perfectionism: your worth depends on what you accomplish or do (and whatever you do, it’s never enough)
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Self-criticism and judgment: harsh self-talk when you don't meet high standards.
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Neglecting your needs: not recognizing their validity, feeling unworthy of self-care.
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Suppressing feelings: denying or avoiding uncomfortable emotions.
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Acting against your values: pleasing others at the expense of your beliefs.
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Codependent relationships: enjoy the feelings of being needed by focusing on someone else’s emotional drama, and problems.
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Not speaking up: Unable to articulate your needs and the inability to set and enforce healthy boundaries.
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Acting like a chameleon: morphing into whatever role will keep the peace and help you avoid ridicule, put-downs, physical and emotional pain.
Developing self-love means getting to know yourself at a deeper level, recognizing and celebrating your big and small accomplishments as well as having grace for all the milestones you haven't reached yet, with patient encouragement.
To make these deeper changes, to recognize and discard the programs that are not serving you and to make contact with the sweet divinity that resides within, it is important to step away from the momentum of your life for a bit.
